Christmas in September?!?

So the strangest thing Happened to me this morning. I woke up, went to make some breakfast for Bryan and I and turned on some music. Looking thru my music I saw a Christmas channel and really wanted to play it. Haha then it felt like I needed to go out to the store and start Christmas shopping. Haha I've never had this feeling before. I don't know if it because I'm excited for Christmas or because I'm prego or even because I'm missing snow. (or not seeing it for almost three years) maybe it's because I'm wanting to go home for the holidays while I can and see all my family and go shopping with my ma and sis. Who know. I do know it's really weird and I've never had this before. Weird weird. 

Today's been a better day. When Bryan got home from school I totally broke down and vented to him. It helped a little but didn't really solve anything. I guess we'll see what happens. 

I've been feeling pretty good for the most part. I was super stressed last night so I was hurting a lot but today's much better. I still have to go to the bathroom non stop but that's normal. We're going to Bryan's sister tomorrow for her sons birthday party so I actually have something to look forward to. There's a lot of conflict with him and her right now so it might be really interesting but I'm getting out of the house and seeing people I actually know. 

I keep thinking that things will get better because I have a little angel coming into my life and this baby is going to be such an amazing blessing to me and my life but it just seems like it's just getting harder and harder. I just have to stay positive and less stressed out, keep looking forward to Christmas. :-) 

Pregnant

So as most of you know by now, I'm prego!!!!! Yay! It's been so amazing and crazy so far. As of today I'm 15 weeks long, the baby is as big as a peach. We don't know know what it is yet but we'll find out on the 6th next month. Bryan really wants a boy but I'm praying for a little girl. I think either way we'll both be very happy. :-) 

Being pregnant is really hard, at least for me. Haha it's my first so I don't really know how it should be. I've been really really sick for, what it feels like years. There's been a few time that I've almost had Bryan take into the ER but I was able to keep dehydrated. It's still hard to take my vitamins but I just have to stay positive and pray that it will get better. 

So we never planned on getting pregnant, it was a big BIG surprise for both of us. When we found out, we were in an alright place with money, jobs... Bryan decided to go back to school and work part time while I worked to support mostly everything until the baby came. We were really tight on money but making it. 

We got an apartment and got everything all back together and then... I lost my job. The worst day ever! I can't tell you how stressed I am now with all of this. I apply to about 3-5 jobs a day and I still haven't had anything. I'm so scared and stressed out about how we're going to pay for things. I know it's not good for the baby and I'm trying to stay positive about it but it's so hard feeling worthless. Sitting at home doing nothing but applying and cooking and cleaning. We only have one car so Bryan takes it to school and work. I try to go out and walk around to get fresh air but the I don't trust people around here. My doctor took me off my anxiety pills, so that clearly not helping at all. I just feel so lost. I don't know what to anymore. I guess just wish me luck.